I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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