I accidentally had phone sex last night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
