mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
