Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
