Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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