it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
