She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
