My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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