cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
