using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
