so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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