i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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