STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
