yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
