turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
