Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
organizing the empties. That sober.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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