The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
