adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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