i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
