splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
