Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
