she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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