I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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