Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
