i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
