Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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