Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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