oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
