I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
