Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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