Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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