I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
