I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
