In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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