I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
