No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
