LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
