I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
