four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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