U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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