it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
