Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
