He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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