and my herpes radar will keep us safe
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
