no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
