Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we have pet lesbian snakes
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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