What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
