please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
