My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
