hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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