I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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