So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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