blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
