did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
