Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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