For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
