I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's shark week go big or go home
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
