You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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