All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
