When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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