so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
